Assume positive intent

You may or may not know that my full-time job is that of Director of Marketing at a Denver, Colo.-based company called The Receptionist.

At The Receptionist, we have our company core values that spell out the word FABRIC — Fun, Authentic, Bold, Respectful, Innovative, and Collaborative.

And underneath Respectful, there is a call to “assume positive intent.”

It means that if you’re in a meeting where your ideas get challenged or you get an email from a coworker and they disagree with you on something, your default should be to assume positive intent of that person.

It’s the belief that your coworkers have the company’s best interest at heart and want to see all of us do well, there just may be moments or times when we see things differently and therefore disagree on how to get things done.

Assuming positive intent allows you to go into a conversation where you disagree with a coworker and be able to set aside negative or hurt feelings and ward off offense-taking where you believe “they’re out to get me.”

It’s happened to me, and I’d bet you’ve been there too.

You get an email from that person and your mind immediately creates a dialogue in your head pitting them as the monster out to get you, and you are the vanquishing hero.

But how would things change if you started assuming positive intent and made others prove their ill intent, rather than the other way around, as so often happens?

Hopefully you see how this same mindset can apply outside the business world.

We don’t often enough assume positive intent of the person across from us when we disagree over hot-button or sensitive issues.

In fact, we more often default to assuming the worst from people, especially when we start to assign labels or stereotypes or lump others into groups that are different than we are.

Liberal vs. conservative. Pro-life vs. pro-choice. Christian vs. atheist. And on and on and on.

In Episode 81 of The Follow-Up Question, I spoke with Mónica Guzmán and she reiterated something to me that she said in her incredible TEDx Talk — that “whoever is underrepresented in your life will be overrepresented in your imagination.”

The danger of assuming ill intent

When we don’t do the work of truly trying to understand someone, we don’t assume positive intent; rather, we assume things about them in our heads that can damage our relationship with them before it even begins.

We tell ourselves that because they see an issue differently and because we value different things, they aren’t just wrong, they’re not just seeing the issue differently than me, but they are actually evil and morally wrong.

This eventually leads to a justification of hatred of that person or even violence against that person.

Because who could argue with you defending something that is morally right in the face of evil?

This is called affective polarization.

It is immensely prevalent in our society today, especially on social media.

It is so easy to take 280-word tweets or snippets of speeches or talks and take it out of context and then begin to spin and weave an entire narrative about a person or people that plants the seeds of an “us versus them” mentality.

It builds and builds until we can no longer fathom assuming that the person across from us has any good intent. Instead, we assume they have ill intent.

Communication ceases to be productive and the ability to solve problems together breaks down.

How do you begin to assume positive intent more often?

So the question becomes: What would have to change for you to begin assuming positive intent of people more often?

Well, for one thing, you’d have to better understand what someone else values, wouldn’t you?

You’d have to let go of your desire to be right and certain.

As Mónica said in her TEDx Talk, you’d have to aim your curiosity at someone else.

You’d have to ask more questions, not just of others, but first of yourself.

This is an important aspect of our own self-awareness and certainly of the process of bridging divides and creating common ground.

It starts with you and your response. Rather than wait for other people to change, you have to make the first move.

And the first move begins your mind and questioning the assumptions you make about others with whom you disagree.

Interested in improving your communication skills and presence? Learn more about what it’s like to work with me as your communications coach.