Impromptu speaking got you flustered? Here's how to overcome it...
You know that flustered feeling you get when you’re called on in a meeting to give your thoughts or you’re asked to give an impromptu talk in front of your coworkers?
No matter where you’re at in your life and career, this can be one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences.
For years, the CEO of the company I work for dealt with this all-to-common torment.
Andy, despite having years of experience starting and leading companies, would always write out everything he wanted to say when addressing an important topic with the company, and then he would read those notes line-for-line.
Even when we all turned to remote work during COVID and held all of our meetings on Zoom, it was clear he was reading from notes.
Yet, he was frustrated by his hesitance to speak off-the-cuff.
He and I had many conversations about what held him back, what his goals were, and why he felt he needed to write out, word-for-word, everything he wanted to say.
Gradually, as he and I worked on it together, Andy got better.
His addresses to the team became more authentically him — his personality shining through as he felt the loosening grip his notes held on him.
It all came to a beautiful peak when, at our company 10-year anniversary celebration this past spring, Andy set aside his notes and addressed the entire company and their significant others with a wonderfully heartfelt and in-the-moment celebration speech.
If you struggle with confidence when it comes to impromptu speaking, it can be debilitating, and your career can be stunted as you avoid situations where you might be asked to speak in front of others.
So what’s the culprit here, and how do you address it?
'Why can't I get out all the words I have in my head?!'
Based on my experience as a long-time executive and communication coach, things start to go wrong as soon as you’re called upon to speak.
Your brain goes into overdrive thinking of all the things you could say, and like a deck of cards being shuffled, every possible answer gets jumbled up and rearranged, and your words become a mish-mash in your head.
When you finally do open your mouth to speak, you don’t know where to start, you don’t know how it’s gonna end, and you don’t know if you’re making any sense.
I hear the same lament over and over again: “Why can’t I get out all the words I have in my head?!”
And so, you avoid those moments — diverting your eyes, shrinking in your chair, and certainly not volunteering to speak up…even when you’ve got the relevant experience and know-how!
What’s happening?
Well, as Oscar Trimboli explained in episode 100 of my podcast, human beings can speak an average of 125 words per minute. When you’re nervous or excited, that can ramp up to around 150 words per minute.
Meanwhile, inside your head, your mind is racing along at 900 to 1,200 words per minute. That’s the average human’s thinking speed.
What’s happening? Your mouth literally cannot keep up with your brain.
(Side note: A pet peeve of mine is when people use the word “literally” for situations that are very much not literal. That’s not the case here. Ha!)
It becomes so difficult and overwhelming to make sense of all those shuffled thoughts in your head in a way that you can coherently speak them out loud, so you freeze, or worse, you try to speak and you end up rambling, over-explaining, or going on long tangents.
Tips to get better at impromptu speaking
To get better at impromptu speaking, focus on these techniques:
Pause before you start speaking. Level set your nervous system by filling your lungs with a nice, deep breath, take a beat, and then begin speaking. I promise, a short pause isn’t as long as it might feel to you, and in fact, it can help you appear more calm and in control.
Make one point at a time. You have all the possible answers in your head. Pick one and lean into it, only moving on to your second point after you’ve finished the first.
Aim to give short, concise responses. Most of the time, you don’t need to share all that you know. And the quicker you can deliver your message and then give others a chance to ask follow-up questions, the faster you can get into a rhythm and gain clarity of thought.
Speak slower. I know, I know…easy to say, hard to do when the pressure’s on. But again, remember that you think five to six times faster than you can speak, and slowing down as you speak can help you internally gather your thoughts so you're prepared for what you're going to say next.
Ask for clarification if you need it. Don’t rush into giving an answer based on an incomplete understanding of what’s being asked. Asking a question also gives you more time to think of what you're going to say.
But here's the most important part...
Understand that no one knows what you’re going to say, so release yourself of the pressure to say the “right” thing and instead, say what you need to say to get your message across using the techniques I previously outlined.
If you forget something, oh well! You can always bring it up later.
If you mix up your words, guess what? You’re human. We all do it.
You’re not an actor reading from a script where everyone else already knows the lines.
More important than saying everything correctly is showing up as yourself and providing your perspective and knowledge.
Still not ready to speak up just yet? Practice putting these tips to use in your next meeting by silently crafting your responses or your answers to questions in your head. Then, when you’re ready, put them into use for real.
Want to talk about it?
Email me at michael[@]rethinkingcommunication.com and I’ll happily work with you to schedule a free 30-minute mini communication coaching session to walk through your specific hang-ups and challenges. I’d love to help you.
As always... keep asking questions!
