You get to choose how you show up

“I know I’m going to get called up.”

“What am I going to say if I do go up there?”

“I kinda hope he draws my name.”

“If I go up there, I’ve got to crush it.”

“I know I can crush this.”

“OK, I actually don’t want to get called on.”

As I sat in my seat just a few feet from the stage, I took a sip from my water bottle to wet my dry throat as I watched the man draw a small slip of paper out of the bucket.

He unfolded it.

“Oh geez. I folded my paper when I dropped it in the bucket. Most other people hadn't folded theirs.”

Then he read:

“OK, next up is Michael Ashford! Where is Michael Ashford?”

The man who had just drawn the slip of paper from the bucket with my name scrawled on it was Darren LaCroix, the 2001 World Champion Public Speaker and a tremendous speaking coach.

This was just a few days ago when I was at the first National Speakers Association meeting of 2024 for the Colorado chapter, and Darren was doing live, one-on-one coaching at the close of his keynote presentation.

For whatever reason, I just knew I was going to get called up on stage. I could feel it.

And sure enough, my feelings were right.

As I made my way onto the stage and shook Darren's hand in front of the 100 or so people who made up the crowd, I had two distinct thoughts.

“I’m going to prove how good of a speaking coach I am and go toe-to-toe with a world champion speaker!”

And...

“Take it easy and be humble, Michael. You’ve got an incredible opportunity to learn from a great speaker.”

My ego and need to be right were in a wrestling match with my willingness to be open-minded.

And in that moment, I had a choice.

I could try to one-up Darren and prove my worth as a speaking coach by trying to outsmart, out-maneuver, and out-talk him, or, I could admit that I don’t know everything and that Darren could teach me some things that could make me better.

I chose door #2.

I spent roughly 5 minutes on stage with Darren as he coached me through the start of a talk I might give on an actual event stage.

I actually decided to workshop a new talk rather than one I'd given numerous times before, just so I could get the full coaching experience.

And sheesh, did I get it.

Darren interrupted me over and over again to give me pointers and tips — I never even got past the first two sentences!

It was uncomfortable, frustrating, and yeah, maybe a scocshe embarrassing.

And rather than take offense, I took it all in.

“OK, yeah, that’s a great point.”

“I can see how that would make my talk stronger.”

“He’s right. That would be a better way to start my talk.”

Me taking in Darren LaCroix's coaching. He's got a great hairstyle, wouldn't you agree? ;)

When you get into moments of conflict or disagreement, you have the same choice.

You get to choose whether to be on guard and on the defensive, or, to be willing and open to taking in new information that might...just maybe...shift your thinking and how you show up in the world.

You get to choose.

You get to choose at work when a coworker disagrees with your proposal to fix customer churn.

You get to choose at home when your spouse or partner is frustrated about how messy the kitchen is.

You get to choose when a friend shocks you and says she’s voting for [insert polarizing political figure here].

Don’t let the opportunity to experience something that could help you understand the world a bit better pass you by because you chose to protect your ego instead.

Interested in improving your speaking and communication skills to more confidently deliver your message? Learn more about what it’s like to work with me as your communications and speaking coach.