Punch up

If you've ever seen a picture of me, likely the first thing you noticed is that I'm bald.

But I didn't just lose my hair. No, no.

When my hair started thinning to the point it was clear I was going to have a horseshoe up top, I took matters into my own hands and had it all lasered off.

That's right. I zapped every last follicle of hair off my dome.

I understand the ridiculousness of all this, and so I crack fun at myself and my big ol' shiny bald head all the time.

Because it's my joke to tell. It's my punchline to deliver.

A social media troll recently decided that rather than do anything meaningful with his day that would actually contribute to society, he'd make fun of my baldness.

Among other things, he said I was "aggressively bald." ROFL emoji and all.

Now, here's the thing: I have plenty of self-confidence — overflowing, really — that this comment didn't bother me. In fact, I've started using it as one of my own "self-owns."

But it speaks to the very idea that comedian Jessica Holmes spoke of on episode 33 The Follow-Up Question when she advised her fellow comedians and everyone else to "punch up" when using humor as a weapon.

Go after the wrong-doers, the sexists, the racists, the bigots, the slanderers, and the wicked. Use wit and laughter to shed light on the very real and dark places humans are capable of going.

Avoid using humor to belittle the defenseless, the taken advantage-of, the destitute, the downtrodden, and the marginalized.

And for the love of all that is good, don't try to take the humor from someone else's situation or circumstances for yourself when it's not your joke to tell.

It takes an enormous amount of trust, emotional intelligence, and closeness to share in someone else's humor that directly targets a part of who they are as a person.

My baldness is something very few other people in my life can joke about with me — my wife, my kids, my other bald friends. Anyone else doing it is not funny — it's mean and mean-spirited.

And it can be dangerous.

Let's look at what happened in Atlanta, Georgia, in March 2021 when a murderer went on a killing spree targeting Asian women.

How often have people of Asian descent been the subject of crude, racist, stereotypical humor?

Remember the little schoolyard jingle: Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, Look at these!

Awful, and yet, it persisted.

Ever made a joke about the abilities of Asian drivers?

And I'm not immune.

Just a few months ago, I reached out to a former Asian employee of mine — she and I are still great friends, by the way — to apologize for making fun of her name behind her back many years ago. I know it hurt her, and I needed to make it right.

We’ve seen humor spark more pain and outrage recently with comedian Dave Chappell. I’ve enjoyed Chappell’s humor for years, but did he cross a line? Were those his jokes to tell?

Author and researcher Brené Brown posted something particularly poignant on her social media recently that I'd like to leave you with:

"Violence starts with dehumanization. Dehumanization starts with language."

This is no laughing matter.

The next time you've got a joke to tell, make sure your aim is high. Punch up.